Thank you for this article. I've been posting on another platform about marriage, getting ready to post about sex and marriage. Because the conversation certainly needs to shift. Thank you for being willing to help shift the conversation. This is one of my favorites that you've written.
Thank you for clear cut, practical, and BALANCED Biblical wisdom on God-given sexuality.
Each of these points could easily be fleshed out for more, but this is something I could easily hand to a young married couple as a “starting point” to initiate discussions on where they would like their sex life to go. Thank you!
First I want to agree and thank you for having an open honest conversation. I agree with about 90% of what you said. However, since you want an open honest conversation I will share this concern. You stated this point about men needing sex twice which means you’re really emphasizing that point. This actually is a serious concern to me because it’s part of the unbalanced equation in the evangelical world around sex and it’s part of the message that makes it unbalanced at home for many women. As soon as you frame sex as a men’s need, it ceases to be mutual and I can start a serious cycle of un Health in the bedroom and other places. I also am wondering where this actually comes from because the Bible doesn’t say anything about needing sex. It actually encourages being single if you can handle it so you can totally focus on the Lord so this isn’t just a men and women in general need to have sex.
This is the first quote I’m referring to, but then part of this quote is repeated again a little bit later in this article
“And you need to recognize that he has physical sexual needs that God gave him that need to be met. How you work that out between the two of you while you get freed from your past is really important. You can’t have a “sexless marriage” for six months because you’re in therapy. That’s just not fair to him “
It makes sense to say that if a marriage is sexless, there’s probably something underlying that needs to be dealt with, but to outright say that a woman must have sex within a certain amount of time even if it’s one-sided because six months is too long and “unfair” for a man… This is not healthy and this is not mutual… If there is healing going on, that has to be worked out between the couple and their therapist. There are many marriages where sex literally has to be off the table and are you really saying that though the one is suffering the other must still get what they want because you framed it as a need and that’s just how it is? If sex is mutual then if it is not happening, it is not just unfair to the man. It is “unfair” or at least “challenging” for both of them. That is what mutual means.
Sorry, one more thing… I’ve been struggling with his concept recently… Framing sex as mutual but then if one person does not want to have it that equals rejection? It seems to me like this is a thought distortion. This isn’t just about action or in-action it’s about what a person chooses to think when something is going their way or not. If I actually think sex is a mutual and my husband is not wanting to have it then Me framing that as him rejecting me is my issue because that’s not actually what’s happening.
In general, the more we can think about “us” instead of “him” or “me” or , the better off we will be. What works for “us” , not just works for him or works for me. What do “we” need to do? How can “we” fix this problem?
I'm 74 years young. husband left after 11 years n 3 children youngest was 3mos. I was never taught anything good about sex it was always considered a"dirty" topic. I felt guilty when I enjoyed it. oh how I wish I'd had done of this teaching. it brings tears to my eyes. at age 17 senior in high school fell pregnant n was forced to have my son taken from me. praise God after 45 years God reunited me with him n the massive hole in my heart began to shrink. thank you so much for speaking openly about sex n marriage. God Bless you both!
Thank you for this article. I've been posting on another platform about marriage, getting ready to post about sex and marriage. Because the conversation certainly needs to shift. Thank you for being willing to help shift the conversation. This is one of my favorites that you've written.
🫶
This is so helpful!
Thank you for clear cut, practical, and BALANCED Biblical wisdom on God-given sexuality.
Each of these points could easily be fleshed out for more, but this is something I could easily hand to a young married couple as a “starting point” to initiate discussions on where they would like their sex life to go. Thank you!
Great list, thank you!!
First I want to agree and thank you for having an open honest conversation. I agree with about 90% of what you said. However, since you want an open honest conversation I will share this concern. You stated this point about men needing sex twice which means you’re really emphasizing that point. This actually is a serious concern to me because it’s part of the unbalanced equation in the evangelical world around sex and it’s part of the message that makes it unbalanced at home for many women. As soon as you frame sex as a men’s need, it ceases to be mutual and I can start a serious cycle of un Health in the bedroom and other places. I also am wondering where this actually comes from because the Bible doesn’t say anything about needing sex. It actually encourages being single if you can handle it so you can totally focus on the Lord so this isn’t just a men and women in general need to have sex.
This is the first quote I’m referring to, but then part of this quote is repeated again a little bit later in this article
“And you need to recognize that he has physical sexual needs that God gave him that need to be met. How you work that out between the two of you while you get freed from your past is really important. You can’t have a “sexless marriage” for six months because you’re in therapy. That’s just not fair to him “
It makes sense to say that if a marriage is sexless, there’s probably something underlying that needs to be dealt with, but to outright say that a woman must have sex within a certain amount of time even if it’s one-sided because six months is too long and “unfair” for a man… This is not healthy and this is not mutual… If there is healing going on, that has to be worked out between the couple and their therapist. There are many marriages where sex literally has to be off the table and are you really saying that though the one is suffering the other must still get what they want because you framed it as a need and that’s just how it is? If sex is mutual then if it is not happening, it is not just unfair to the man. It is “unfair” or at least “challenging” for both of them. That is what mutual means.
Sorry, one more thing… I’ve been struggling with his concept recently… Framing sex as mutual but then if one person does not want to have it that equals rejection? It seems to me like this is a thought distortion. This isn’t just about action or in-action it’s about what a person chooses to think when something is going their way or not. If I actually think sex is a mutual and my husband is not wanting to have it then Me framing that as him rejecting me is my issue because that’s not actually what’s happening.
In general, the more we can think about “us” instead of “him” or “me” or , the better off we will be. What works for “us” , not just works for him or works for me. What do “we” need to do? How can “we” fix this problem?
I'm 74 years young. husband left after 11 years n 3 children youngest was 3mos. I was never taught anything good about sex it was always considered a"dirty" topic. I felt guilty when I enjoyed it. oh how I wish I'd had done of this teaching. it brings tears to my eyes. at age 17 senior in high school fell pregnant n was forced to have my son taken from me. praise God after 45 years God reunited me with him n the massive hole in my heart began to shrink. thank you so much for speaking openly about sex n marriage. God Bless you both!